I can recall that day as it was yesterday yet it seems so long ago, it is hard for me to remember what our lives were like before January 30, 2009 .
I recently was reminded of an email I sent to a client shortly after Mikey was first diagnosed and had started therapy. I told her I would be taking a short leave from my business until Mikey is further a long and that I was certain that his progress would be great because he had started his therapy and was doing well. When I read this email I was brought back to that moment in time when I truly believed that after a year of therapy my son would be speaking, and playing with his toys. I remember my husband and I talking and saying that by the time Mikey was 5 he will be ready for a regular kindergarten and that we would have a HUGE celebration for his 5th birthday and invite all his therapists, teachers and our friends and family and celebrate! (Mikey will be 5 in three weeks.)
In that moment when I wrote that email, I had no idea what “Autism” had in store for us, the truth is I still don’t know much more today. Three years have passed and Mikey is nowhere near where I thought he would be and the road to where he is now has been long and slow with lots of bumps along the way. It’s hard not to second guess every decision we have made in his treatments and therapies and wonder if I could have done more or done things differently. One thing I know for certain is that there is no one “magic,” therapy or treatment that is going to “fix,” my son. It’s going to take time, patience, and persistence to help Mikey become the best Mikey he can be, and to help him to show us all he has inside.
Although I thought Mikey would be further along in his progress, I am still so proud of how far he has come. Mikey is my hero, and the true warrior, as it is him who takes on this battle everyday trying to understand and cope with the world around him, and not being able to use his words to tell us how he feels, and the best part is, he does it with a smile. It’s hard to be angry or sad when Mikey is always smiling. He is doing things at his own pace, you know what they say, slow and steady wins the race J.
Since Mikey was diagnosed I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my son. Mikey has taught me how to be a mother and most importantly how to be a mother to him. I have learned to advocate for my son, how to follow my instincts. I’ve learned that I not only have to believe in my son, but I have to believe in myself. I appreciate every moment and celebrate every accomplishment. This life with Autism has taught me not to judge people as you don’t know what journey they are on. Although this life is not an easy one, I still feel blessed, as I know there are parents in much worse of situations, who have lost young children to terminal diseases and would give anything to have their child back. Mikey is here with me every day, so I can love him and he may not be able to speak or understand things, but he can walk, run, dance, laugh, love and feel, and for that I am blessed.
I am reminded today of all the unanswered questions about Autism, and about Mikey. We are still very much at the beginning of our journey. I still pray every night for answers and most importantly to hear Mikey’s voice. Today is and will always be a sad day in my heart, but it also serves as a reminder that I need to keep moving forward. However long it takes, however much it costs, I will NEVER stop and I will NEVER give up hope and I will ALWAYS believe in my son! I know one day we still will be having that big celebration, it may not be this year, but it will happen and it will be the best day ever!Here is a picture of Mikey a couple of weeks before he was diagnosed (Mommy was taking pictures for his birthday invite :) )
Here is a picture of Mikey now, getting ready for another birthday, and Still Smiling....
