50 Cent, Keep the Change!

I wasn’t going to respond to the 50 cent issue, I figured I am not someone whose message 50 will ever see, and was happy to see Holly Robinson Peete had responded.  Then I thought to myself, if I don’t respond then there is REALLY no chance of him seeing it, so why not?  Why not stand up for my son, whether or not it is seen by MR. 50, hey at least I will add to his Twitter flood ;).
As many of the parents in the Autism community, I was sickened by the tweets by 50 cent.  What sickened me more was that I had just finished watching an Oprah episode with him and thought, hey maybe this guy isn’t half bad, maybe he just had a bumb wrap.  I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and the truth is I enjoyed some of his music.  I grew up listening and dancing to hip hop music and I can’t deny bopping to “find me in the club.” 

So here I am just days ago watching this episode seeing him with new eyes, only to be blinded sided by these disgraceful comments about our children. 

My first reaction of course was disgust and sadness for my sweet innocent son, who is unaware that people would use his diagnosis as a derogatory term.  My sweet Mikey, who is 5 years old, non verbal and who has a heart bigger than anyone I know.  He is the most loving child I have met, he loves completely UNCONDITIONALLY, he shows love everyday with kisses and hugs and cuddles, and I may be biased, but he is one damn good looking kid.  If I sent a picture of him to 50 cent he might be a little jealous because the truth is he is way better looking than 50 cent ;).

It took me until today to realize something.  I feel pity for 50 cent.  As much money and fame as he has, he is still an insecure man trying to prove himself, trying to prove he is better, trying to prove that he is worthy by putting others down, to raise himself up.  As many twitter followers as he has, he let one person get to him, and then he had to try and belittle this person by insulting an entire community of people who he does not know.  He does not know the pain, the worry, the heartache a parent of a child with Autism goes through, he does not know the strength and power and resilience a child or adult with Autism has.  All he has done was prove once again that even if you have money and fame it does not mean a damn thing, that God will judge us all the same, and let me tell you 50 my son has more love, purpose and strength in his pinky finger than you do in your whole body.   You are an ignorant man who probably spoke without thinking, but nevertheless, in your position you should know better.  You let your haters get the best of you, because you have no confidence, you don’t believe you are worthy, you worry about what others think instead of worrying about leading by example, making a difference and leaving a positive mark in this world.

I will pray for your soul tonight 50 cent, because the truth is, as much as you have, you are so much worse off than my son and FYI only if you had a child with special needs could you feel the most unconditional love there is, and the truth is, you are not deserving of that.

This is what AUTISM looks like, and boy is he BEAUTIFUL!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Today on Mother’s day I would like to dedicate this post to the most wonderful Mother and Women I know, my mother and to all of the Autism Grandma’s who support their children everyday.

I am extremely blessed and grateful to have a mother who is with my everyday supporting me and my family with love and understanding.  I am well aware that this is not something that happens for every Mom who has a child with Autism.  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful mother, who has always lived everyday for her children and now also does the same for my son.

I am one of three children, I have two wonderful older brothers and my parents divorced when I was about 7 years old.  Although my father still remained an important part of my life, my mother took on the roll of a single mom and I know that this was not something easier for her to do.  We were fortunate to have a house that she fought to keep not to displace her children.  Even at the young age of 7 I realized how strong my mother was and how when she was determined to something she never gave up.   What I also realized is that she didn’t even know her own strength, that she was unaware of all she had accomplished and what a good person she was.  Whenever anyone would say she was a good mother or her children were good kids, she would always give the credit to God and luck, not taking any of the credit for herself. 

As far as I could remember it was me and my mom.  We did everything together, went on vacations, shopping, she would never leave me to go off on her own, she never needed “me” time, she never once complained that she didn’t get a break or seemed like she didn’t want to be bothered.  She was completely devoted and dedicated to being a mother, my brothers and I ALWAYS came first and it was the way she wanted it and we knew it.  I cannot recall even one night that she left me with a babysitter so she can go out and have some fun on her own.  As if taking care of three kids on her own wasn’t enough my mom was always there to lend a hand to anyone who needed it, we were known as the Hotel Rodriguez because if any of our family or friends ever needed a place to stay my mom would always welcome them to live with us. 

My mom was a working mom, and we were blessed to have good friends in our lives that would help her take care of me after school while she was at work. My mother was always so grateful for all of their help.  She always reminded me how blessed we were to have such wonderful friends and she always expressed her gratitude to them for their help.  She taught me that we need to be so grateful for everything we have and always reminded me how lucky we were that there are so many that had it worse.  This has always stuck with me, that feeling of gratitude and not taking things for granted.  Her reaction to accepting this help and her gratitude was such an influence on me, and I am sure she doesn’t even realize how much it affected who I am today.

I grew up feeling so much love from both my parents, and as it happens with many of us, it wasn’t until I had Mikey that I truly understood the love they feel.    When Mikey was first diagnosed and I was crying uncontrollably, all I wanted in that moment was my Mom, I wanted her embrace; I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be ok.  My mother always tells me that she hurts double now, because she hurts for me and for Mikey.  I think I finally understand what she means.  Just as I hurt when Mikey is upset or in pain, she hurts when I am crying or feeling sad, and on top of that she hurts for her Grandson who she adores.  My mom has always been a strong women, but when Mikey is having stomach pain or is upset, I can see the pain in her eyes as she looks at me feeling helpless and her grandson who she cannot help.   She is always there to encourage me to push me to do more and to assure me that we are going to get through this and everything is going to be okay.  I guess not much has changed in all of these years, it is still my mom and me most of the time and now not only is she devoted to me but she is also devoted to my son.  The only difference now, is that if it’s at all possible, she may love Mikey even more.

Even when I came up with the idea of the Butterfly Mission, she was with me 100 % telling me she would help me and that together we could help others.  She was so eager to get started, so eager to help other families, giving me the credit not realizing that I could not do it without her, without her every day support and help with taking care of my family, I would not have the time or energy to think of The Butterfly Mission and helping others.

My mother taught me so much growing up, but the most important things I learned from her was not through her words but through her example.  She taught me to be independent, to never give up, gratitude, and to help those around you who need it, but most importantly she taught me how to love my Mikey and to be a mother.  She will sometimes tell me she is proud of the mother I have become, but I am the mother I am because of her, because she taught me without even knowing it.

Thank you Mom for being you, for teaching by example and for loving me and my son unconditionally. What I ask of you now is that you KNOW what a wonderful person you are and have NO doubt that you are responsible for the children you raised.  Happy Mother’s Day, I LOVE YOU!

Autism Action Day!

Today is World Autism Awareness Day, however with the new CDC reporting of 1 in 88 children diagnosed with Autism, I am sure many of you are painfully “Aware,” of this terrible epidemic.
April 2^nd this year must be Autism Action Day! 

I feel fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family who are extremely supportive of Mikey.  I am aware however that as much as many of you want to help you don’t always know how to.

So today I ask all of my friends and family and everyone who wants to show support to a person with Autism to take ACTION!  The action I am asking you to take starts at home, to all parents who are blessed to have “typical,” children I ask you to educate them about Autism, to teach them compassion, tolerance and acceptance.  Teach your children that we as humans need to take care of one another and that some people may need more help than others and it’s our job to help them.  

Ask your children’s Teachers and Principals what at are they doing to teach their students about Autism and to promote acceptance and awareness amongst their student body?  With 1 in 88 children affected and a limited amount of schools specific to Autism, I am pretty sure that there are many students in your children’s schools affected with Autism.    Find out what your school is doing to support this community of students with Autism and how you and your child can get involved.  If you know there is a student in your child’s class with Autism, encourage your child to be friendly to them and if your children are young enough you can see if their parents would like to set up a play date.

One of my biggest fears for Mikey is that he will not have a friend or even worse be teased or bullied by his peers.  With the problem of bullying in this young generation, the likelihood of it happening to a child with Autism is even higher.   The thought of this happening to my sweet son makes me nauseous.   The only way to ensure that this doesn’t happen is to educate our children to help and look out for each other.  To teach them that even though someone is different, it doesn’t make them less.

Some of my proudest moments as a Mother and as an Aunt is seeing one of my nieces or nephews trying to interact with Mikey or offering to help or teach him something.  As I said, this is first taught in the home, and if it’s one thing I know, even if Mikey doesn’t make many, “friends,” he will always have his forever friends, his cousins and as he gets older I know that he will need them and their love more and more. 

As we all know children with Autism grow to be Adults with Autism and another problem in the Autism community is what will happen to these adults?  Where will they work and how will they be a part of their community.  So today I also ask you to ask your work place if they employ any adults with Autism and if not encourage them to start, or perhaps to create an internship program for these young adults so that they can become a functioning part of the community.  If given the opportunity these Adults have so much to offer to the workforce.

So please, today on Autism Awareness Day (and the days to follow) help me to prepare the world for my 1 in 88.

Mikey with his Forever Friends his Cousins :)

Three years later...

January 30, 2009 at approximately 1:30pm a psychologist came in my house and told me my son had autism.  Today it is 3 years since that day and some days I wish I can turn back the hands of time to the day before that day, before the words Autism flowed so freely from my lips. 

I can recall that day as it was yesterday yet it seems so long ago, it is hard for me to remember what our lives were like before January 30, 2009 . 

I recently was reminded of an email I sent to a client shortly after Mikey was first diagnosed and had started therapy.  I told her I would be taking a short leave from my business until Mikey is further a long and that I was certain that his progress would be great because he had started his therapy and was doing well.    When I read this email I was brought back to that moment in time when I truly believed that after a year of therapy my son would be speaking, and playing with his toys.   I remember my husband and I talking and saying that by the time Mikey was 5 he will be ready for a regular kindergarten and that we would have a HUGE celebration for his 5^th birthday and invite all his therapists, teachers and our friends and family and celebrate!   (Mikey will be 5 in three weeks.)

In that moment when I wrote that email, I had no idea what “Autism” had in store for us, the truth is I still don’t know much more today.  Three years have passed and Mikey is nowhere near where I thought he would be and the road to where he is now has been long and slow with lots of bumps along the way.   It’s hard not to second guess every decision we have made in his treatments and therapies and wonder if I could have done more or done things differently.  One thing I know for certain is that there is no one “magic,” therapy or treatment that is going to “fix,” my son.   It’s going to take time, patience, and persistence to help Mikey become the best Mikey he can be, and to help him to show us all he has inside.

Although I thought Mikey would be further along in his progress, I am still so proud of how far he has come.  Mikey is my hero, and the true warrior, as it is him who takes on this battle everyday trying to understand and cope with the world around him, and not being able to use his words to tell us how he feels, and the best part is, he does it with a smile. It’s hard to be angry or sad when Mikey is always smiling.   He is doing things at his own pace, you know what they say, slow and steady wins the race J. 

Since Mikey was diagnosed I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my son.  Mikey has taught me how to be a mother and most importantly how to be a mother to him.  I have learned to advocate for my son, how to follow my instincts. I’ve learned that I not only have to believe in my son, but I have to believe in myself.   I appreciate every moment and celebrate every accomplishment.    This life with Autism has taught me not to judge people as you don’t know what journey they are on.  Although this life is not an easy one, I still feel blessed, as I know there are parents in much worse of situations, who have lost young children to terminal diseases and would give anything to have their child back.  Mikey is here with me every day, so I can love him and he may not be able to speak or understand things, but he can walk, run, dance, laugh, love and feel, and for that I am blessed.

I am reminded today of all the unanswered questions about Autism, and about Mikey.  We are still very much at the beginning of our journey.  I still pray every night for answers and most importantly to hear Mikey’s voice.  Today is and will always be a sad day in my heart, but it also serves as a reminder that I need to keep moving forward.   However long it takes, however much it costs, I will NEVER stop and I will NEVER give up hope and I will ALWAYS believe in my son!  I know one day we still will be having that big celebration, it may not be this year, but it will happen and it will be the best day ever!

Here is a picture of Mikey a couple of weeks before he was diagnosed (Mommy was taking pictures for his birthday invite :)  )

Here is a picture of Mikey now, getting ready for another birthday, and Still Smiling....