Autism Action Day!

Today is World Autism Awareness Day, however with the new CDC reporting of 1 in 88 children diagnosed with Autism, I am sure many of you are painfully “Aware,” of this terrible epidemic.
April 2^nd this year must be Autism Action Day! 

I feel fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family who are extremely supportive of Mikey.  I am aware however that as much as many of you want to help you don’t always know how to.

So today I ask all of my friends and family and everyone who wants to show support to a person with Autism to take ACTION!  The action I am asking you to take starts at home, to all parents who are blessed to have “typical,” children I ask you to educate them about Autism, to teach them compassion, tolerance and acceptance.  Teach your children that we as humans need to take care of one another and that some people may need more help than others and it’s our job to help them.  

Ask your children’s Teachers and Principals what at are they doing to teach their students about Autism and to promote acceptance and awareness amongst their student body?  With 1 in 88 children affected and a limited amount of schools specific to Autism, I am pretty sure that there are many students in your children’s schools affected with Autism.    Find out what your school is doing to support this community of students with Autism and how you and your child can get involved.  If you know there is a student in your child’s class with Autism, encourage your child to be friendly to them and if your children are young enough you can see if their parents would like to set up a play date.

One of my biggest fears for Mikey is that he will not have a friend or even worse be teased or bullied by his peers.  With the problem of bullying in this young generation, the likelihood of it happening to a child with Autism is even higher.   The thought of this happening to my sweet son makes me nauseous.   The only way to ensure that this doesn’t happen is to educate our children to help and look out for each other.  To teach them that even though someone is different, it doesn’t make them less.

Some of my proudest moments as a Mother and as an Aunt is seeing one of my nieces or nephews trying to interact with Mikey or offering to help or teach him something.  As I said, this is first taught in the home, and if it’s one thing I know, even if Mikey doesn’t make many, “friends,” he will always have his forever friends, his cousins and as he gets older I know that he will need them and their love more and more. 

As we all know children with Autism grow to be Adults with Autism and another problem in the Autism community is what will happen to these adults?  Where will they work and how will they be a part of their community.  So today I also ask you to ask your work place if they employ any adults with Autism and if not encourage them to start, or perhaps to create an internship program for these young adults so that they can become a functioning part of the community.  If given the opportunity these Adults have so much to offer to the workforce.

So please, today on Autism Awareness Day (and the days to follow) help me to prepare the world for my 1 in 88.

Mikey with his Forever Friends his Cousins :)

Three years later...

January 30, 2009 at approximately 1:30pm a psychologist came in my house and told me my son had autism.  Today it is 3 years since that day and some days I wish I can turn back the hands of time to the day before that day, before the words Autism flowed so freely from my lips. 

I can recall that day as it was yesterday yet it seems so long ago, it is hard for me to remember what our lives were like before January 30, 2009 . 

I recently was reminded of an email I sent to a client shortly after Mikey was first diagnosed and had started therapy.  I told her I would be taking a short leave from my business until Mikey is further a long and that I was certain that his progress would be great because he had started his therapy and was doing well.    When I read this email I was brought back to that moment in time when I truly believed that after a year of therapy my son would be speaking, and playing with his toys.   I remember my husband and I talking and saying that by the time Mikey was 5 he will be ready for a regular kindergarten and that we would have a HUGE celebration for his 5^th birthday and invite all his therapists, teachers and our friends and family and celebrate!   (Mikey will be 5 in three weeks.)

In that moment when I wrote that email, I had no idea what “Autism” had in store for us, the truth is I still don’t know much more today.  Three years have passed and Mikey is nowhere near where I thought he would be and the road to where he is now has been long and slow with lots of bumps along the way.   It’s hard not to second guess every decision we have made in his treatments and therapies and wonder if I could have done more or done things differently.  One thing I know for certain is that there is no one “magic,” therapy or treatment that is going to “fix,” my son.   It’s going to take time, patience, and persistence to help Mikey become the best Mikey he can be, and to help him to show us all he has inside.

Although I thought Mikey would be further along in his progress, I am still so proud of how far he has come.  Mikey is my hero, and the true warrior, as it is him who takes on this battle everyday trying to understand and cope with the world around him, and not being able to use his words to tell us how he feels, and the best part is, he does it with a smile. It’s hard to be angry or sad when Mikey is always smiling.   He is doing things at his own pace, you know what they say, slow and steady wins the race J. 

Since Mikey was diagnosed I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my son.  Mikey has taught me how to be a mother and most importantly how to be a mother to him.  I have learned to advocate for my son, how to follow my instincts. I’ve learned that I not only have to believe in my son, but I have to believe in myself.   I appreciate every moment and celebrate every accomplishment.    This life with Autism has taught me not to judge people as you don’t know what journey they are on.  Although this life is not an easy one, I still feel blessed, as I know there are parents in much worse of situations, who have lost young children to terminal diseases and would give anything to have their child back.  Mikey is here with me every day, so I can love him and he may not be able to speak or understand things, but he can walk, run, dance, laugh, love and feel, and for that I am blessed.

I am reminded today of all the unanswered questions about Autism, and about Mikey.  We are still very much at the beginning of our journey.  I still pray every night for answers and most importantly to hear Mikey’s voice.  Today is and will always be a sad day in my heart, but it also serves as a reminder that I need to keep moving forward.   However long it takes, however much it costs, I will NEVER stop and I will NEVER give up hope and I will ALWAYS believe in my son!  I know one day we still will be having that big celebration, it may not be this year, but it will happen and it will be the best day ever!

Here is a picture of Mikey a couple of weeks before he was diagnosed (Mommy was taking pictures for his birthday invite :)  )

Here is a picture of Mikey now, getting ready for another birthday, and Still Smiling....

My Zumba Addiction

I am going to start this post by saying, I never liked working out, never liked sweating and never stuck with an exercise regime for more than a month (and that was before my wedding so not sure if it counts!)

A few months ago I was complaining to my husband (yet again,) that I feel like I am always tired and have no energy and feel out of shape.  My husband said for probably the 1000^th time that I should really start doing some exercise that it would be good for my mind and my body (I have never listened to him because he loves working out, blah!).   This time since I was so desperate to feel better I figured I would give it a try and since I love to dance, I decided to give the new Zumba craze a try. 

I started with one class at a small place since I didn’t want to invest in a gym membership with my history of one week and done.   The place was very small and in the class was only my Mom, me and two other people.  I thought it would be easy, hey I am Puerto Rican and I can dance! lol.  Boy was I wrong! I never felt so awkward and out of beat in my life.  There were a few times during the class when I had to hold back my laughter when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I felt silly but I didn’t care, it was fun and for that hour I didn’t think of anything except trying to keep up with the instructor.  I enjoyed the music and the sweat, I felt like I was in a club in the middle of the day.  I decided that this is something I would be willing to give a real try.  I joined a gym close to my sons school that offered Zumba classes daily.  I went to my second class and I was hooked.

Rewind to April of 2009 after my son was first diagnosed and I was sitting in the waiting room of a  DAN’s office.  I was in my sweats, no makeup, anxious and nervous.  A mother walks in with her son who was about 5 or 6 years old.  She is all done up, heels on and well put together.  She had definitely been there many times  and knew all of the receptionist.  She begins chatting away with the receptionists and her son keeps asking her for a snack which she keeps denying him since there is no eating in the office.  You can see the son wants to get her attention and it becomes clear to me that he too is on the autism spectrum; however she continues to talk to the receptionist.  The receptionist compliments her on her hair color and she tells them how she loves to change it up and is always getting a different color or cut.  She is telling them about being out at a bar the other night and how much fun she had and how she fell in her new heels while she was there.  As I listened and watched her go on so matter of factly I was completely taken back.  I thought to myself, "is this mother crazy?"  How does she care about her hair or her shoes or going out, her son is sick!  I could barely bring myself to do my hair and here she is talking about going out having fun and her shoes!  At this point I could not imagine going anywhere without my son and how would I be able to have any sort of fun knowing the fight my poor boy has ahead of him.  The Dr. came out and called me into the office and by then I was already on the verge of tears and was so thankful to get out of that waiting room and away from that mother.

The reason I share this story with you, is because at that moment, I never thought I would be here in this one.  I never thought I would want to or be able to do something for myself again, something to make me feel good, because to me at the time I thought that mother was so selfish to be thinking of her own fun.  After many tears and much time has passed I come to realize that coloring her hair and buying her shoes was her Zumba, her thing she did for herself, her thing that made her feel good.  Today I feel guilty having ever judged this mother as now I know we all need to have something for ourselves, an outlet to forget about the stress and worry of everyday. 

Although I happily revolve my life around my family and helping my son get better, when I am in my Zumba class I have an hour to myself,  an hour of not thinking, an hour of not worrying, an hour of letting things go.  There has been many a class that while listening to the music and doing the steps I have an overwhelming feeling to cry.  On occasion I almost have, but I fight off the tears and keep on the steps and in the end I feel so much better.  I don’t know exactly why this happens to me, and I am no psychologist, but maybe it has something to do with being there not thinking and just feeling, my emotions from the day or week come out.   The best part is I work through it, I jump higher dance faster and in the end I feel better and that need to cry is gone and replaced with calmness.  I leave feeling lighter, happier and I know this only makes me a better wife, and a better mother.

So my message to all of my Autism Mommies out there, find something to do that is just for you and don’t feel guilty about it!  Making time for yourself, even if it’s only a half hour a week, in the end it will only make you a better Mommy.  To the Mothers of the newly diagnosed, I know right now you can’t imagine making time for yourself, or having the energy or the drive to do anything, but trust me you will get there and things will get better.

I would like to give a special THANK YOU, to the Zumba instructors that have helped me find an outlet for myself, Claire from Synergy in Syosset, and Sue and Michelle formerly of Sportime in Syossett.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!  You have no idea what going to your class has done for me, it has provided me with an outlet to recharge and to be a better Mommy.

Hope and Excitement in the "New"

Being the parent of a child with Autism means you have to do whatever you can to try to solve your child’s “puzzle.”  Each child is so different and there is no one identical treatment for all, so you have to be willing to try new therapies, new treatments, and unfortunately go through some disappointments, until you find the formula that works for your child.  The one that will make your child be the best they can be, and meet their fullest potential. 

Since our family is only 2 years into our journey with Autism, although we have tried quite a few treatments and therapies, we still have much to try and learn.  I know there is still a lot more in my little man that he is not showing us! 

I have read lots of stories about children with ASDs whose parents have tried a new treatment that helped them turn a corner and had a dramatic affect on them.  I recently spoke to a mother at my son’s school who stopped giving her child casein and immediately was amazed to hear him speaking more. I’ve read of diets and supplements that have helped children focus, and not stim as much.  Some parents have been blown away by how well their child has responded to Applied Behavioral Analysis Therapy and how quickly they have gained skills and make improvements.  I’ve read countless stories of parents amazed by the dramatic affect a diet or supplement or treatment has had on their child.   I still wait eagerly for this jaw dropping experience that something new will make a dramatic change for my son. 

I remember when Mikey was first diagnosed with Autism, and being told about ABA and how much this therapy will help my son, that in a year I was going to see such a dramatic change in him.  I was so hopeful and excited for that year to pass, so I can see all the progress Mikey would make. Unfortunately, the year passed all too quickly and I was left heartbroken and disappointed that Mikey’s’ progress was not as dramatic as I thought it would be.   When we started the gluten free casein free diet 2 weeks after Mikey was diagnosed, I watched every move he made carefully, and listened to ever sound, hoping for some words, hoping for a difference, but again was left disappointed.  I can go through the list of things from a new dog, to NAET, to the hopes of what school would do for him, but in the end they all left me with the same feeling, the disappointment and knot in my stomach, that, “ok, this didn’t work like I hoped, now what?”

Mikey has made slow and steady progress along the last two years, although I am happy he is moving forward I yearn so desperately for a burst of progress, something dramatic, something that will make me cry and shake with joy.  So we move on with hope to the next thing on our list to try, the “new.”

We are currently experiencing hope in the new as Mikey has some changes going on right now.  Last week we started giving Mikey Methyl B12 shots.  Methyl B12 is a supplement that has had a dramatic affect on some children with ASDs and has been known to increase language and focus during learning times.   I am keeping my fingers crossed and heart open, and praying for some big results.  Although, I probably tread a little more cautiously these days.

Another very big change that will happen after spring break, Mikey will be starting in a new classroom with a new teacher, one that is a better match for his needs.   Although I am nervous about how Mikey will react to his new surroundings, I am so excited for this change.  It is so very important that children like Mikey have a teacher that knows how to teach them, the way that they learn.  Let’s face it, with all the changes in diet and supplements that might allow these children to be more focused and aware, it means nothing if they don’t have the right person teaching them!  I am hopeful that this teacher will make an impact and difference in Mikey’s life.  I wonder if she knows how much I am counting on her to help our son?  If she realizes how I prayed every night that my son would get into her class because of her great reputation?  This is a new chance for Mikey, an opportunity to meet a teacher that might be the one that, “gets him,” and can reach him, to help him learn and grow.  I am most excited about this change, this fresh new start, and I only hope that this time next year, I really will see a huge difference, and will be amazed.

When it comes down to it, if these new things we are trying aren’t what produce the best results for Mikey, yes, I will be disappointed, but I will NEVER GIVE UP!  We will keep on going, moving on to the next thing until we find the right formula for Mikey.

Unfortunately, this is the life of most parents of children with ASD’s, we are desperately trying to help our children.  We are on a roller coaster ride of triumph’s and defeats, a ride that we didn’t buy a ticket to!  Most of the time, we have to do it at our own expense since insurance companies do not cover much of the treatments and therapies. Doctors expect us parents to accept the answer, “there is no cure.”  But that is something no parent should ever accept!  We pray for more and better research to find a cure or to find a way to help our children live a normal life, where they can be independent and have a job, a family, and be happy.  It’s sad that approximately 1 million people are diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States, and there is still not enough research, still not enough funding or support, and still no answers…

The Birthday Party Invitation....

When a birthday party invitation comes in the mail for most 4 year old children, it’s an exciting thing.  Parents might be happy to have something to do to entertain their child on the weekend, and children wait in anticipation for a chance to run around with their friends, and eat birthday cake.  For our family and probably for most families affected by Autism this isn’t the case. 

When a birthday party invitation comes for Mikey and I show it to him, he has no idea what it means, to him it’s just a piece of paper that he doesn’t know what to do with it.  When I tell him that we are going to a child’s birthday party, there is no response, no smiles, no excitement, because the truth is, he probably has no idea what I am telling him.  It’s similar to telling an infant baby that they are going to a birthday party, they have no understanding of what you are saying, but you tell them anyway in the hopes that one day they will learn and understand.

For me opening up a birthday party invitation is usually a cause for anxiety.  I immediately check to see if the location has a website to see what kind of place it is, and if I think Mikey may possibly find something to do there.  I start to wonder how many children will be there, will it be too loud? Will it be too crowded for Mikey? Will he be able to participate in any of the activities and have fun like the other children? Or will it be too advanced for him and will be he left to watch his dvd’s in the corner with Mommy and Daddy?   

Although we have anxiety about taking Mikey to these kiddie places, we always try our best to go, if we think there is a chance he may find something he likes, we try to give him the opportunity to be exposed to different situations.  We keep our fingers crossed that it will go well, and maybe just maybe he will have fun, and make a connection, or try something new. 

This weekend Mikey had his first birthday party in quite some time (besides his own which was a pool party and he loved!).  We had been invited to a few at the end of last year that we couldn’t make, so we were unsure how Mikey would re act to this one, now that he was older with new skills.  It was the child of dear friends, so we were happy to be there to celebrate and see some of our friends and family.  In the Autism world, Mikey would probably be considered to have some strong social skills since he makes beautiful eye contact when meeting new people, he will smile and wave, and if it’s a blonde woman will probably try to give her a kiss!  So we were hopeful that the party will go well.  We knew there would be familiar faces there for him, and when we looked on line there was a slide we thought he would like (although we didn’t realize that he would have to climb through a huge maze to get to it!).  Plus, it was a two year olds birthday party, so we figured things would probably be age appropriate for Mikey who is so delayed.

When we got to the party we were pleasantly surprised, Mikey broke free from my hands to climb up a inclined mat, up to a cushioned platform that was under a little roof almost like a tent.  Mikey loves those mat’s (the ones that look like gymnastics mat’s), so I thought, ok, they have matt’s so we should be good!  We said hello to a few people and Mikey was laying on the matt smiling.  Mikey’s Nonni was there on the other side of the party, so I picked him up and took him around to see her and say hello.  That’s when things changed quickly.

As I carried Mikey through the party with all the kids running around and the music blasting, I can feel Mikey start to get nervous and his body tensing up.  His smile quickly faded.  When we got to Nonni, he gave her a kiss as I asked him to, and when I put him down on the floor he took off running towards the nearest bench and started to cry.  He didn’t know where to go or what to do, I can see the desperation and confusion in his eyes as he ran back and forth flapping his arms.   I immediately ran after him and asked someone to get my husband who was chatting with his friends.  I sat down on a bench with him and made sure he had his blankey and his binkie.  I took his iPad out to play a movie for him.  My husband came and we took out juice, cookies, a ball we brought for him, anything we can find to try and calm him.  I sat next to him on the bench and held him.  He began to calm down a little bit, but I can see him looking around at all the people taking it all in.  Of course all of our family and friends were concerned asking if he was okay.  I tried to make excuses for his behavior, maybe he is tired, maybe it’s his stomach, but the truth is I didn’t know, I couldn’t ask him, he couldn’t tell me if the place was too loud, or if it’s too crowded for him, or maybe he just didn’t like the lighting, he has Autism, that is all I know. 

He didn’t stay calm long, he wanted to get down, from the bench but didn’t know where to go and started to cry again.  My husband and I took him outside of the room to a little hallway with it’s own cushiony bench and Mikey quickly calmed down.  He climbed up on the bench laid down with his blankey and his binkie and started to smile.   He found his spot, a quite place with a comfortable seat with no one around except Mommy and Daddy and now he was content. 

I could see the disappointment in my husband’s eyes, although he smiles at Mikey and calls him a little stinker and tells him how cute he is, I know that he wished more than anything that Mikey would have done well today, so did I.  I know my husband wanted to show off his son to all his friends, and show them how well he was doing.  He wanted to watch his son have fun with the other kids going down the slide and climbing through the maze, but instead, we were in the hallway watching our son have fun laying on a bench.    

The food was served and we decide to take Mikey back in again.  I saw the worry and concern in my mother in laws eyes when we got back in, I knew the concern is probably more for my husband and I then it is for Mikey.   My husband served himself and me a plate and I sat Mikey down next to me with his movie again, I was able to scarf down a quick plate before he became upset again and we were back in the hallway.

Since most of my husband’s friends and family were there I told him to go in and I would wait outside, a little while later my husband was back in the hallway telling me to hurry up and bring Mikey in that he was going to take him down the slide while all the kids were still sitting down eating!  While he was inside  my husband (his is by no means small!), had done a trial run climbing through the maze to get to the slide, to see if he could fit and take Mikey up! So we snuck back in and went to the maze, my husband helped Mikey all the way up the maze and to the slide. Mikey did great, my husband was so happy!  He was determined to bring Mikey down the slide at least once!  They got to the top sat next to each other, each on a slide and held hands coming down!  Mikey did great!  He got a little nervous towards the end because the slide was much faster than he was use to, but he didn’t cry and he made it down!  I picked him up and we quickly ran back to the hallway before the kids came back!  My husband was thrilled and so was I!  I was so proud of both Mikey and my husband for making the best of the situation and finding the joy in a stolen moment and a slide!

We came home that night exhausted and happy to be home.  Mikey was back in his safe place,  happy and content.  While I was lying in bed with Mikey that night, he fell fast asleep, and I took to my blackberry as I always do to check my emails (I have a slight blackberry addiction!). I was surprised to see an email from our friend whose son’s party was that day.  I opened it up and she had thanked me for the gifts, and then she wrote something that made me feel so much better.  She said “I know it’s not easy for you and really appreciate you taking the trip.  You’re a great women! Mikey is so wonderful. I love him.”   This email so simple and kind made such a difference to what happened that day.  I knew that our friends “got it.”

 As a parent of a child with Autism, I sometimes worry that when we do get invited to these parties and if we don’t go that our friends might not understand why, or what it is we are going through, or think that we are being anti social or over protective.  After reading her email, I knew that she understood what it meant for us to go, and understanding is something that every family affected with Autism appreciates.

Now to all of my friends who may read this and say maybe we shouldn’t invite them to our next children’s party, please do not feel that way!!  Please keep on inviting us!  We may not be able to make every party, because bottom line is, at times it may be too much for Mikey.   All we ask is for patience and understanding, and know we ALWAYS want to come, and just because this time he may not be ready, we know someday soon he will be!  So please don’t give up on us! 

A Happy Moment at the Party of my baby and me!

Today is World Autism Awareness Day!

                                        

Today is World Autism Awareness Day!  For a mother of a child affected this day brings many emotions.  I would be lying if I said I am glad this day is here, because the truth is I wish that this day didn't exist, because I wish this disorder didn't exist!  That being said, it's here and it does exist, so I choose to use it as a day to spread awareness and show support and honor my son for his strength in this fight.

What saddens me this year, is that as I read different peoples blog posts, facebook status's and tweets, amongst the Autism community, it becomes apparent that even on a day like today, there is a divide amongst us.  There are those who do not think this is a day to be celebrated, those who refuse to wear blue because they may not support the organization that started the "blue," and those who are wearing their blue and trying to make the best of this day.  There are even people who are trying to re name the day or change the color.

To me, this is not a day to judge each other, as we are all in this battle and struggle together, and everyone deals and copes with things in different ways.  You may not agree with how people show their support, or may view it as celebrating a terrible disorder, but if that is how they choose to get through this day, which I am sure no one wishes existed, than why can't we just support each other and help each other through.  This is day should not be about the "politics," of Autism.  It should be about being unitied together, standing strong in the battle, supporting our families and showing there is strength in numbers.

As I was writing this blog this morning, I was overcome with emotion, by the kindness of a mother fighting a battle of her own for her child, against Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  She is a fan of The Butterfly Mission facebook page, and learned about us through a mutual friend.  Today, she, "friended," me on facebook, and when I accepted, the first thing I saw on her page, was her reposting our Butterfly Mission post and asking people to visit the sight.  This simple gesture brought me to tears.  This mother, who has her own battle to fight, took the time today to support Autism.  Although our paths our different, our love and support, and determination for our children our the same.  This is what today should be about. 

Today I will cry, I will laugh, and I will be proud.  Proud of all the accomplishments my son made this year, proud of my family and my husband.  I will wear my blue (although I would love if the color would have been purple lol), and I will show my support.  I will pray for all the children and families affected, I will pray that by this time next year we will have more answers, and even more a cure.  And I will be keeping my eye out for anyone else who might be wearing blue today, and I will know they are standing by our side.

Meet Patrick!

Autism affects 1 in 70 boys - one of those boys is mine......

Patrick Michael Brown, our first child, was born on May 4, 2007. From the moment my husband Jimmy and I looked at Patrick, we were in love... he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I knew that my life would be forever changed and that there was nothing on earth that I would not do to protect this beautiful miracle of ours. Our lives, however, were changed in ways that we would have never imagined.

From early on I felt something was not right with Patrick, but I couldn't put a finger on it. He was a wonderful sleeper, a great eater and always happy -- Patrick was too good to be true! He seemed way to happy and content to be left on his own. As the months went by, we realized he was not accomplishing the normal developmental milestone on time (or at all) that come naturally to babies his age -- how to crawl, how to walk, how to drink from a sippy cup, how to clap his hands - we had to teach Patrick how to do all these things. I was living in a constant state of anxiety.

Jimmy and I would bring our concerns to our pediatrician's attention at each well visit, but the doctor was never concerned. One of the most important lessons I have learned from this experience is to always trust your gut - a mother's instinct is never wrong. You have to trust and believe in yourself because no one knows your child better than you. If your doctor does not listen to you, find another doctor.

When Patrick was 9 months old, I began reading about autism. When I learned the early warning signs of autism, I knew in my heart that this is what we were dealing with. Jimmy mentioned this concern to Patrick's physical therapist (PT) who was treating him for torticollis and low muscle tone. She at first dismissed it and believed he was developmentally delayed. However, by the time Patrick was 12 months old, our PT was concerned enough to ask us to bring this up again to our pediatrician at Patrick's well visit - again, the doctor said it was nothing to be concerned about. It was at this point that Patrick's PT suggested we take Patrick to the Suffolk County Early Intervention for a full evaluation. Their diagnosis was devastating, but finally we had a diagnosis and could begin a course of treatment for our beautiful little boy. Whereas our pediatrician kept dismissing our concerns and ignoring the many red flags Patrick was displaying for autism, our PT took our concerns seriously, and we were able to get Patrick help at a very early stage. So I would urge you to always trust your mother's instinct.

Patrick's initial evaluations at 12 months old showed that he was in fact very delayed in every area of development. It was devastating to read on paper how far behind he really was. As a result of his global delays, at 13 months of age my baby began receiving Special Education, Speech, Feeding Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and continued with Physical Therapy. When he wasn't making much progress, we had him further evaluated by a developmental pediatrician who diagnosed Patrick at 18 months with PDD-NOS which means Patrick is on the Autism Spectrum. I knew going in to the appointment what the outcome was going to be because I had been preparing for this moment since Patrick was 9 months old, but now it was reality. It took me months before I could even say the word Autism. I was living with a constant feeling of anxiety and sadness, but we immediately took action to try to find ways to help our son. A week before Christmas Patrick began almost 20 hours a week of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy in addition to the therapies he was already getting.

We immediately started seeing a Defeat Autism Now! doctor. A DAN! doctor uses biomedical techniques to treat children with Autism. Patrick began a casein-free and gluten-free diet and began taking many vitamins and supplements to try and help him heal and possibly recover. While Patrick's progress has been very slow over the past two years, we celebrate ever bit of progress he does make. I try not to dwell on the things he is not doing and try to focus on all the things Patrick can do.

Since we started this journey two years ago, I never imagined how much it could change my life. I am able to appreciate so much more, and I do not take anything for granted. Patrick has brought so much joy and happiness into my life. I admire his strength and his determination to learn. He works so unbelievably hard each day but always remains happy. I am so blessed to have been chosen to be Patrick's mother. He has been given to me for a reason, and I will never stop fighting for him, and I will never give up on him -- He is the love of my life.

Please visit our website at http://www.thebutterflymisison.org/